August 4, 2005
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Its been a good week for writing poems. Special thanks to Lady_Songbird. I think I’ll use the title “The Singer in the Cards” for yesterday’s poem. Also thanks to Cassildra and TenTwelve, we’ll see how the shift key trick works in the poem I am posting for today. It was also written just before I went to sleep. The question I have for any readers who check it out is that I am using some repetition on purpose in this poem to get across a specific idea. I want to see if it works or if it is just annoying.
Thanks,
Jan
PS: And if you can help me think of a title for this one, I’ll buy you ice cream.
I spun the word around
in my head, in my head
a weak word, a mighty connotation,
okay, baby, are we okay?
and I thought of this latest lie
this newest vow broken
and I worked out the meaning
in my head, in my head,
turned it over in fear and trembling
are we okay, baby, okay?
its just another word, really
doesn’t mean much
so I nodded my head
and nodded my head, yes okay
and made a little promise
to pacify, to satisfy, to mollify,
and noticed it was not so hard
to tell a lie with my head.
Comments (6)
It works nicely. I reread several times and each time I had the same tendancy to speed up as I went along, as if it were rolling down a long hill picking up speed as it goes. The patter pushes it to that last line which gets me. Nicely done.
Thanks for the shout out
ryc: Yes, Thom did record 2 independent CD’s, but only one is still available and I have the entire stock. He died the day they were pressed and things sorta fell apart distribution wise. I have copies of “Rumor Has It” Which you can hear snippets from at
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http://thomfury.fylbrigge.com/interest1.htm Thank you for asking. He’d be tickled.
I’m lousy with titles…that’s why I keep Songbird around. But I love the repetition. No, it’s not annoying. It’s not overdone and fits in there very well. I like the piece, by the way. Evokes some very strong emotions!
RYC–I like that job description. Hmmm…maybe I’ll put out an ad in the paper. Except I love the one I have. Oh well, I have my failings too.
I agree with Lady_Songbird–it’s like a boulder rolling downhill, but then again, lies get caught up like that, don’t they?
…So maybe Lie Rolling Downhill?
I hate all of the poem titles I come up with, though.
And HEEEE @ your comment in my journal. Sadly, nobody specifically -caused- my migraine, so that isn’t really an excuse…
Thanks for the comment re Dumas. I have been in California for the past week and had not checked xanga. An opera singer. That is wonderful. I am working up the “Meditation” from Thais to play at an event soon. I may play in the Portland Opera Orchestra this season if time allows. Will see.
YEah.. that’s it Lie - A Rolling Stone . . .
Wow… that was very thought provoking.